And it's not your fault—
let me prove it!
The math ain't mathin'
Mothergivers:
• In Canada, the economic value of unpaid household work in 2019 was more than manufacturing, wholesale, and retail industries combined! (StatsCan, 2022)
• The average US stay-at-home mom would earn roughly $184,800/year, if her labour was compensated at market rates (Salary.com, 2021)
• Moms carry 71% of the mental load; dads carry about 45% (Neurosciencenews.com)
• The common estimate of 1,800 hours feeding in the first year is less than half of what many moms actually spend (Breastfeeding calculator)
Motherf*ckers:
• Mothers are 6x less likely than childless women to be recommended for hire
• Moms have 8.6% lower starting salaries compared to dads and 7.9% lower compared to childless women (fathers are paid MORE than childless men) (Harvard, 2007)
• Post divorce, women's incomes will drop by about 30%—not for men! (Govt. of Canada, 2016)
• Moms are more likely to die by an intimate partner than by pregnancy complications, and are 35% more likely to die by murder than non-moms (NICHD, 2022)
I wOnDeR wHo iS BeNeFiTiNg?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's time to stop being
a "Good Mother"
(DON'T PANIC! HEAR ME OUT.)
You're just trying to be a "good mother."
It seems like a simple concept.
Certainly a worthy goal, right?
But... what is a "good mother"?
Where's the checklist?
What makes a "good mother" (lowercase)
is a matter of personal opinion.
But a Good Mother (uppercase) is a whole thing.
It's a cunning cultural scam invention
that gets its origins from early-modern Europe.
I'll tell you right now, the whole point
has always been for you to fail, no matter what.
Because fear of failure makes you hustle.
Your hustle becomes their profit.
Until you collapse.
How can you build boundaries between you and the systems and people that want to literally siphon your life force for their profit?
Like a sociologist-strategist-sister-wundernerd, imma tell you.
Then we'll hug.
(In our imaginations.)
It will be a journey.
What people are saying
Buy my mom's course! I highly recommend anything my mom produces: spanikopita, writing, ideas, and especially her kids! Ha!
THANK YOU for the advance access! Wow, without the course even being done it's already amazing! I cried through out my week-end because I felt so seen and comforted. This is going to be a total transformation for my sisters and me!
I wish I had this ten years ago!!! It's astounding the shifts I'm making in my perspectives. I feel so many feelings at once. But even though I better understand the ways mothers are kind of forced to experience motherhood in certain ways, I actually feel less like a victim [than] before. I didn't know how or where to direct my feeling of being scammed. I better know where to put my energy. This was an astounding collection of ideas and tools and it was even funny at times! Thank you so much!
It is so good. It made me choke up to read your awareness and wisdom especially in your ability to transcend your experience to include truth that can impact others. It nailed my own understanding. I also shared a few of them with Julien and Ella and they were moved. They are not moms but both have strong relationships with their moms. You did such good work. I think I said something in the first text like I always love you and your brain and after reading that I was so impressed and moved that I loved your abilities and brain and heart even more.
I think your gift is no-bullshit intelligently-written stuff. You have such a keen ability to cut through the surface, cut through the crap, cut through the superfluous and all the platitudes to really SEE a topic. I've never met anyone as astute as you, of any gender. You have a sharp eye on very complex topics. It's a gift.
Having a lot of Mother Stuff, I read initially with trepidation. But it was extraordinary: humane, cogent, vast, brilliant, loving. Thank you.
This was a beautiful piece to read, Natasha. Drank every word. I really admire your bravery, resolution, your thoughtful, introspective, and insightful viewpoint. I...] You have a gifted mind. Your intellect cuts to the heart of the matter in a wonderful way, and you possess rare ability to articulate complexity.
What you'll soak up
MODULE 1 – INVENTORY:
Bring to the light the struggles you're dealing with
3 short lessons with worksheets:
• Dark Closet Inventory
• Mom Shame Inventory
• Struggle Snapshot
You'll come back to the answers later in the course.
MODULE 2 – STABILIZE:
You'll make your own self-care toolkit
Another quick module:
• We'll learn science-backed nervous system mechanics
• Then, we'll cover 35 of the most scientifically supported ways to calm down, relax, de-stress
• You'll get 16 subversive, totally original, yet evidence-based ideas for dealing with feral feelings
You'll receive some worksheets that will prompt you to make a "toolkit" of ways to take care of yourself in different situations.
Bonus resources if you need them:
• what to do if you need therapy and can't afford it
•. a "Break Glass in Case of Emergency" list of resources
•. and MY personal tool chest that has rescued me many times from nervous system collapse!
MODULE 3 – IDENTIFY:
We'll take stock of what's making motherhood so hard
We'll look at the way we experience motherhood in our culture, using four "umbrellas":
• Our Situation: An overview of what I call the Motherhood Pain Hexad: shame/guilt, loneliness, exhaustion, trauma, grief, and sacrificial cost
•. Our Taming: We'll talk about self-silencing and what it does to us
• Our Culture: We'll get into the pedestal trap—the way women are lured into motherhood, thinking we'll be valued, but then we're scapegoated and abandoned
•. Our Policing: We'll talk about how we're policed as moms but also how we police each other and ourselves
MODULE 4 - UNDO:
The juicy analysis & insight for why moms are exploited
*yells with excitement* MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE COURSE!!
• We'll dig into kyriarchical motherhood because patriarchal motherhood just scratches the surface! Get flooded with transforming insight.
•. We'll autopsy then lay to rest The Good Mother— she's just a propaganda image bullying you into an identity that serves everyone but you!
•. You'll be introduced to "the immortality hustle": the driving force for many (most?) moms and its tie to white supremacy
•. You'll learn how to find the root source of why you can't seem to solve some of your mothering problems, no matter what you do and how hard you try. (For anyone whose village responds to logic over emotion, you’ll be ready to drop the evidence they need to understand why you're letting some things go without apologies. You'll feel like such a brilliant badass!)
•. We'll take Module 1's mom shame inventory into our CSI forensics lab. What ghosts and monsters are really pulling the strings?
MODULE 5 – REWIRE:
A mom shame & guilt disposal system
•. We'll dig a grave for Shame and get clear on Guilt's place in our lives—based on our own values !
•. We'll get clear on the difference between blame, accountability, and responsibility. You're still responsible for fixing some problems you didn't create. The difference? Whether you'll feel shame or not.
•. My shame interrogation might feel like soul alchemy! This is the work I do that has saved my life more than once.
MODULE 6 – ENVISION:
How amazing motherhood could be
My second-favourite part of the course!
•. The Good Mother died. We'll resurrect her as The Free Mother! For every value and logic The Good Mother offers, we'll replace it with something liberatory, sustainable, and healthy!
•. You'll get 50 ideas for how to create matriarchy in your life: mutual aid, new currencies, and a new culture.
•. You'll go deep into how mothers and children could liberate each other. What does it mean to be truly liberated? What values do we need to guide us? How can we live into The Liberated Mothers' Manifesto?
MODULE 7 – INTEGRATION:
Creating course artifacts to inspire and guide you
• You'll make your own family manifesto to guide you going forward
•. Different from the toolkit you built earlier in the course, you'll recruit help to build a Radical Self-Compassion Toolkit—something that feels like mega love on your hardest days.
• We'll close out with poetry and talk of getting free by degrees. <3
Or, still need convincing?
Why our world thrives on motherhood oppression
How some motherhood oppression is thought to just be normal, the way mothers feel love
Why liberating yourself of mother shame is the single-most revolutionary act you will probably ever do in your life
How to find the root source of your problems using systems thinking
How The (Mother)SHIFT Method can liberate you from sticky problems
How to stop blaming yourself for everything without shirking your responsibility to your kids
How and why to stop judging other moms (and maybe extend your own mother some grace)
Feel bathed in self-compassion, -understanding, and -love
Lose the fear that investing in yourself is selfish
Worry less about your mothering being judged and evaluated
Know where to double-down or surrender in your mothering priorities
Feel connected to and fiercely protective of other moms
Feel entitled to ask for and demand support without feeling shame for not doing it all yourself
Understand your own mother in a way you never expected
Learn Sociology 101 concepts and vocabulary
Text and dopamine-enriching graphics (video coming) in
7 modules that take you on a transformative journey:
INVENTORY
STABILIZE
IDENTIFY
UNDO
REWIRE
ENVISION
INTEGRATION
25 lessons written and created by Natasha
+ bonus educational, feminist lessons and resources when you're done the course but want more!
35+ original high-quality worksheets for printing (with minimal ink demands!)
private online platform—desktop or mobile
easy user interface with beautiful graphics made by fairly compensated artists, and me
10-minute soothing guided meditation for mom shame-triggered emergencies
free original feminist colouring pages to do while listening to the course
135 grounding and memorable affirmation statements that don't suck
printable models and posters to remind you of what you've learned
Surprise "Easter egg" gifts emailed to you as you complete lessons in the course—but you won't know which lessons!
access to The Matriarchy online community to gain support and build mutual aid connections
over $250 value in ever-growing bonuses!
But is it boring, tho?
No!
I mean— it's not like doing shots off of models' bodies in Ibiza. But, like, it has funny GIFs? And gorgeous poetry, film and media examples of what we're talking about, and nice tunes.
If this course doesn't meet your needs for accessibility, or you need help understanding any content, you can get support by emailing [email protected]
To access a full refund, please fill out this form completely and submit within 60 days of purchase.
Please note that this course is unapologetically:
religiously agnostic
intersectionally feminist
evidence-based
nuance-aware
neurodivergent-made
Why am I the person to help?
I'm Natasha Coulis—a writer, strategy designer, community designer, and empty-nester. When I was young, nubile, and mothering four kids born in 5.5 years, becoming a Perfect Mother actually felt almost doable. With attachment parenting theory and Martha Stewart magazines in hand, I thought all I needed was "bad moms" to compare myself against to gauge my success!
Click here to read my story
I made a lot of life decisions that could only lead to unfortunate outcomes. As an only child born to a single teen mom in poverty, our extended family drowned in untreated generational trauma, abuse, and conflict. I didn't get much of a head start.
I wanted to create the family I never had. Though I knew I was queer, at 16 I naïvely thought I could join a high-control fundamentalist religion, marry a much older man at age 18, follow the script my religion gave me to have a large family while young, be a stay-at-home mom, forego a career, and I'd be happy. I believed in God and I thought God wanted this path for me.
So, I bought into the trad wife life, just as many young women are doing today. (Sigh)
I didn't grow much in those 12 years. I was busy, exhausted, and suffering from a yet-undiagnosed life-threatening endocrine disorder. Because many of my needs were neglected as a person and as a wife, my pain eventually prodded me awake. I realized I was in agony.
Still sheltered, naïve, and afraid, I agreed to leave the family home and give my trial lawyer husband primary care of the children. I agreed to absorb the consequences, limiting everyone's divorce trauma, especially my husband's. I prioritized his feelings over mine as my religion admonished me to do.
Looking back now, I see the inevitability of what followed: the worst divorce I've ever heard of. It's an uncork-some-wine-and-unbutton-your-jeans-for-two-hours-of-rapt-attention kind of story. It's a story that requires an intermission and some breathwork. It's a story that requires Julia Roberts to tell it. My partner tells people, "Natasha's story is a case study in why we need feminism."
I'm deeply invested in the question of how mothering can be less risky, less moralized, less egotistical, and less isolated. How can it be liberating? How can children thrive without mothers suffering?
I've learned that "Perfect Mother" and "Good Mother" are ideological concepts that oppress us.
Since age 16, when I subscribed to Parents and Mothering magazines, I've been listening closely to mothers' stories. If the pattern wasn't clear enough before 2020, the pandemic crystallized my awareness: Mothers are our culture's scapegoats and society's workhorses.
In 2019, spurred on by a Mother's Day Instagram post from Elizabeth Gilbert, I began writing things I'd never heard anyone say before, not even in my most recent university studies, not even within feminist and sociological discourses.
As Dr. Andrea O'Reilly says, "Motherhood is the unfinished business of feminism."
It shouldn't be so hard to learn about ways mothers need a liberation movement. But that's the idea, right? If mothers embraced a liberation movement, if mothers "got woke," a lot of wealth would need to transfer to women.
Wealth would make us powerful. And power would let us change the world.
Let's f*ck some sh*t up. Start here.
Like attending Mom University + a transformative healing retreat!
$197 USD
COMPARE WITH:
• 1 mental health therapy session = $100-250/hour
• 1 hair colour and cut at a salon = $150-300
• 1 boxing class = $100-250/month
• 1 hot air balloon ride to take you far away = $200-500
• 1 month's supply of weed gummies = $500?
• a nice voluntary 2-week coma = $$$$$
Before paying for a hot air balloon ride, or a mini-coma, just so you can get some rest, how about you try this course instead?
Not ready to commit?
Sample some content!
Sample course content by signing up for the newsletter:
Get useful email you'll actually read and immediately receive the 5-minute 10-minute
Shame-Busting Guided Meditation to download!
